My Longkang

December 20 2006

A man meets a woman…they fall in love and then they go through the courtship ritual. Fall in love is the phrase society uses to describe this phenomena.

The guy gives the lady gifts, they hold hands and they think their love will last forever. The Prince Charming and Beautiful Princess scenario. In our Malaysian context marriage is a very serious business. A big sum of money is spent on the celebrations. Marriage is an open declaration to the world that they have found their ideal love partner.

Years pass and children are born. The marriage is unsuccessful, both partners fret but they stay together for the sake of their children and for appearances sake. To sue for divorce in our Malaysian society is to declare ourselves the ultimate failures. Society frowns upon a divorced person and all kinds of snide remarks accompany a divorced person wherever they go irrespective of who is to blame for a failed marriage.

How much would you endure to continue such a charade? To live in a living hell is worse than having no life at all. This is the dilemma many partners in a failed marriage have to live through.

Every one knows divorce is a very big step, especially when there are children and assets involved. But this thought will come to you when you wake up in the middle of the night and hear the soft breathing and snoring beside you, look upon his or her features and realize love is no more in the equation.

Somewhere along the way it had ended and you had been too busy to realize it. You can’t live with him/her any more and you start to wonder if it is worth it to hang on…………

The time has come when you announce, ” That’s it. I’ve had enough . At moments like that divorce becomes a desirable and viable option. You mull over it and one day realize it is the only option you have to retain your sanity.

Let the one who has not sinned cast the first stone. Let us not judge others lest we be judged ourselves.

As members of society, it is not for us to judge a couple when their marriage fails but to embrace them back in our folds and admit that theirs was a failed marriage and let them move on.

What is divorce in real terms?

• Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse.
• It can be contrasted with an annulment, which is a declaration that a marriage is void, though the effects of marriage may be recognized in such unions, such as spousal support or alimony, child custody, child support, and distribution of property.
• A divorce must be certified by a court of law, as a legal action is needed to dissolve the prior legal act of marriage. The terms of the divorce are also determined by the court, though they may take into account prenuptial agreements, or simply ratify terms that the spouses have agreed on privately. Often, however, the spouses disagree about the terms of the divorce, which can lead to stressful (and expensive) litigation as in this case. Mediation has emerged in recent years to negotiate mutually acceptable resolution to conflicts.
• Senator advises prenuptial agreement