My Longkang

The girl looks at the guy and is simply amazed how she has given her all to the man. She would do anything for him. Such is the love she has for this Prince Charming who has rode in on his shiny white Vios to whisk her away from her family.

The LBGT looks at his/her partner and is amazed how they lived before the advent of their partner into their lives.

The man looks at the girl and is amazed at the beauty of the girl, how much she needs to loved and protected and vows to be a good husband and father.

Ultimately they marry and expect to live happily ever after. For the LGBT, perhaps they don’t marry but have a live-in relationship.

Then, things start to go wrong. What endeared them in the beginning starts to irritate. A lot of it has to do with sex and lust especially for the male. After marriage, things start to cool off a little. A little of the mystery, forbidden fruit aura and charm evaporates in the illuminating glare of the chores, mortgages and expenses that pile up in a marriage when couples live together.

It basically is a reflection how little they know of each other before they got hitched. In the new York Times it was reported that many marriages suffer because couples fail to ask each other a few necessary questions before coming together.

An enduring relationship is never built on surprises.

The topic of children should be discussed. An understanding of each other’s financial obligations and goals and spending habits is essential. Agreement should also be reached as who will be the boss in the family.

Health histories, both physical and mental should be fully disclosed. Couples should also have a realistic expectation of the degree of affection to be shown by the partner.

Sex is a powerful emotion and partners need to know sexual needs, preferences and fears. They should listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints.

Each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs and how the children will be exposed to religious/moral education will need to be known.

An acceptance of each other’s friends is essential as the couple will not live on an isolated island. Value and respect each other’s parents, and degree of tolerance expected must be made known.

There are certain things that either party is not willing to give up in the marriage and need to be told to the partner before marriage. There must also be willingness to support each other in career goals

Finally, both parties must be fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and confidence in the ability of the marriage to survive.

Now, check your marriage or relationship against this list. Sit down when the timing is right and talk with your partner. Negotiate, back down if necessary but at all means try to come to an understanding and work your ass off to make the relationship/marriage work.