A Chinese tradition for three generations to live under one roof
Pic is courtesy of sivinkit.net however the original photographer is eechia.blogspot.com
In the past, all the generations would live together. The first generation would help out around the house and command much respect. The grandfather would be the patriach of the family. His word was law.
As their health gradually deteriorated, the younger generation would take care of them until the day comes when they will be given a grand farewell. This arrangement worked well for the Chinese community. Those without families would be looked after by the community through the clan associations, benevolent societies etc.
However this concept of family living is slowly being eroded. Many families are now double-income families. That is a necessity nowadays with a higher standard of living and the price of goods have also gone up. Furthermore the perceptions of society has changed. The status of housewife is now met with raised eye-brows unless she is married to a man who very obviously doesn’t need a working wife. Furthermore, a housewife would find her lifestyle cramped and options limited. There is no one to stay at home and look after the older generation.
Increasingly new homes are built with three bedrooms only. More and more people are opting to live in apartments. A room is occupied by the parents, a room by the children and a room by the maid whose role is becoming indispensable nowadays. So, where do we put the older folk?
A patriach that I know who is in his late 70’s had to move out of his prewar rented shophouse and move in with his many children. None offered as they all had only 3 bedrooms. This is very sad. It is not only sad, it shows much disrespect and no compassion for the older generation. They have worked hard and sacrificed much to enable us to be where we are today.
If we treat them this way, our young ones will treat us one day in a similar manner. This trend has spawned more old folks home. Previously it was all charity based but now increasingly they are paid institutions.
A random survey among my friends revealed the following reasons why they don’t want the older folks to live with them.
1. My house is too small. They will be bored.
2. Boys and girls should not live in the same room. I have only three rooms: my boy/girl is growing up.
3. They are prone to sickness. Messy. No time to look after them.
4. There are other children. Someone else will eventually do it.
5. Worry they may die in the house and bring down the property value.
6. Extra expenditure.
7. They need special food like softer/easier to chew food, visits to the doctor
8. They will curtail my family’s freedom. He/she is very conservative and may not agree with our lifestyle.
9. I worry about the safety of the house. What if they boil water and forget about it?
10.It depends on their age and their own personal preference.
11.I will do it as it is my duty
12.People will talk if I put him in an old folks home
13.My wife doesn’t get along well with my mother.
14.He has a lot of money but he will distribute to all the children but only I take care of him.
15.They are now like little children and feeble. Of course I will take care of them.
16.They will get better care in an old folks home. I am already so tired and cannot do any nursing.
17.I am their daughter but I hate changing diapers and feeding them. Luckily my husband is very understanding and helps out. The house we are living in belongs to them
Conclusion : Would you like to live in an old folks home when you grow old?
sivin kit : yes, most of us don’t think of our own mortality..due to the media and hollywood…we don’t realize aging n death is real and final
I would like to live in my own home when I am older but if I am not capable of caring for myself, I would like to be cared for by someone who wants to do it. Either by my kids or someone paid to do it.