My Longkang

Somehow when we look at some one and feel attracted, everything seems wonderful. In love is the general term. They all talked of his charms, his good looks, his sincerity. But when he left, he left them bitter, rejected and dejected.

Three of his victims decided to come out and warn the public about this casanova conman. His returns were not so big if you count the total tally from the three victims. I believe they would have forgiven him if indeed he were just facing money problems.

Unfortunately, in small towns and even in big cities in Malaysia, ladies as well as men find it difficult to meet potential partners. It could be due to time constraints, financial constraints or just opportunity constraints. So when a nice-looking guy turned up, they were easily duped by him. Ladies too have joined in the fray but casanovas are more of a rarity hence the publicity given to the case.

My suggestion to the lonely hearts out there : allocate time for yourselves. Go out and attend functions where there are more chances to interact with people. Let people know you are single and available. Learn better communication and personal skills.

Don’t focus on yourself but the person you are talking to. Show your interest. Make friends without breaking any social taboos. Be yourself and don’t put on any airs. If he or she becomes your life-partner, sooner or later they will find out the truth anyway.

Times are changing and so are social mores. In my opinion, it is ok for the female to indicate interest through body language etc. However I still hold back at encouraging ladies to openly declaring their undying love to the men of their dreams. This could backfire and drive the man away.

I read the story in the papers about a man proposing to his girl-friend on an Air-Asia flight. To me, the non-romantic guy, that is just a gimmick. The real stuff begins after marriage, when financial decisions, family decisions, children, ambitions etc have to be discussed and be agreed upon. I know a guy in his late forties who has lived with so many women but never finding the right person. His problem: he loved himself too much.

For the faint-hearted and have no confidence in netting a steady relationship : try stepping into the other person’s shoes. You will understand him/her better and be more able to evaluate your chances of success. You may not look like Rain or JLo but on the other hand she is not looking for Rain or JLo either.

It will happen if it is meant to be. It is like a business transaction. You show yourself available. If he/she is interested, he/she will like to find out more. Negotiations follow and if all is ok, the transaction is successful. A steady relationship. If there is no interest, he/she will just walk away after a cursory glance. Don’t force the issue. There is more than one fish in the ocean. No matter how much you love a person, that does not make him/her obliged to love you in return.

Happy hunting, ladies and gentlemen.

The Star