My Longkang

Mother

I don’t know why but I have been feeling melancholy these few days. Perhaps it is because I am also a parent now. That is not to say I am being soppy or anything like that. It is just as an adult, I now realize how much she sacrificed to bring us all up.

Benghui has to be tempted and coaxed sometimes to eat what we wish him to eat. In my younger days, due to limited funds, we seldom had meat dishes and if we did, the meat or chicken would be cut to small pieces to flavour the dish rather than as the main dish. I remember eating lots of vegetables especially tauge ( bean sprouts ) and tauhu ( bean curd ) eaten with rojak paste.

She used a lot of chillies to flavour the food. Meal times were a regular feature in the home. You arrive late at the dining table and you would have little left to eat. So, there wasn’t much table talk. Eat before it’s gone. We only had one whole chicken or duck only once a year : during the Chinese New Year dinner. So, it was an occasion to look forward to. Unlike today, we worry about cholesterol, oil, dieting etc. We needed all the nutrients we could get. RM20.00 a week for groceries wasn’t much but she stretched it to feed all six of us- four kids and parents.

Tricks of the trade? Eggs could be beaten and steamed to make it appear more in quantity, anchovies and nuts deep fried in chillies to fill the stomach, bangkuang ( if that is the right word and cucumbers ) to add fibre and soup. Lots of it to make us feel full. We learned early to enjoy chicken heads, chicken feet not knowing these were cheap in the old days and made soups taste better. We learned early porridge could be tasty with black sauce and garlic oil and 2 salted eggs for the whole family.

Clothes would be adjusted to last longer, patched, lengthened, mended, curtains recycled to pillow cases, later handkerchiefs, later rags for the floor and then some for dish rags. Nothing was wasted. Yet we all lived in dignity asking help from no one and diligently pursuing our studies as we believed it was the only way out of our poverty.

Yes, we lived in poverty but never felt poor. I remember during her funeral I used the word wedding instead of ‘funeral’ accidentally. It was the only day she was honoured. She never had it good, this wonderful woman. In short she was a good mother.

I console myself that if she could hear us at the funeral on that day she would be proud. The son-in-law said, “We are here to remember a good woman. We only have to look around at her children spread around the world to know she has been a success in life.” Ultimately it is that which counts not riches or wealth which cannot be carried across to the other world.

Looking back, during her last days, a pastor visited her and asked her if she would like to commit herself to God : Reverend Ong said she blinked her eyes to indicate yes. I will never know if she accepted the Lord but mother, today you are honoured by your offsprings and grandchildren. I wish you could see how we all have left our humble abode and now all lead comfortable lives.

You have guided us well. Our humble home was less than 350 sq feet but she made it clean and spacious and dressed it with bright curtains, making corners, niches here and there for our stuff and her love ruled the nest. We all completed our education and until today none of us use swear words or have ever quarreled with each other . She always told us to give the other cheek to be slapped if slapped rather than face confrontation and to walk away if necessary. At that time, there were gangs in the neighbourhood but i was untouched. Some survived, some didn’t and some turned to drugs.

Mum, I like to think that your life has not been for nothing. Your descendants will live on and on and your life will not be in vain. Thank you, mum. Thank you mums all over the world.
In the beginning
Beyond the grave
The Chinese New Year dinner she always cooked