My Longkang

I have posted a comment from Ruby. From this long and well written comment, I am very touched indeed by her sincerity. I do apologize if I have offended you in any way. It is in reply to a comment in my blog which I posted.
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Shalom to All,

Regards,
Pastor Nineveh H S Kok

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Ruby’s reply:

There’re gays & lesbians in all churches but live an oppressed life, they’ve to bury their true selves & live like living deads, just because family, friends & society prevent them to be who they truly are. Some will just leave the churches.

And when there’s a gay church, it gives them hope, but you’re destryoing it, leaving them no proper place to go but to underground. Only if people could accept that they’re different, more than 1/3 would surprise you that they’re actually gay/les. Many gays/les still hide their identites even in countries that legalized same sex marriage because there’re still people like you.

I don’t think that you people fight against gay church because you think it’s wrong, you’re just afraid that the truth will be revealed, & that the straights who were fighting against it had surprises, that the people closest to them are gays/les, it just crush their worlds. You prefer them to their lives in a lie for the rest of their lives so that you people can be happy. You’re enjoying your happiness in the expense of others’ sufferings.

We’ve feelings & don’t want to hurt others, likewise we hope you don’t hurt us as well. I came out to them, but was told not to reveal myself to anyone anymore, because what I do will hurt others as we don’t live alone in this world, our lives aren’t just ours alone.

As a kid, I was afraid when I heard the adults said I had special attraction towards my own gender, I must be a weird kid. As a teen & young adult, I live in denial despite some people can see from the way I was. As I became much older, I gathered my courage to tell & at the end was told to continue hiding it.

I came to a painful decision for not doing anything about my life, neither be here nor there, to continue living my life day by day till I die in old age. I constantly have suicidal thoughts, but I can’t do it just like I can’t do anything about my life.

I’m a feminine & I love feminine women, it’s not that I’m after another woman who looks like a man to take the place of a man, I don’t love men. I tried my best, you people thought that we want such a bad life, forcing us to pray, fast, meditate, etc, we followed exactly in the hope we may be transformed, but it doesn’t changed us, because we’re who we truly are, it’s not a choice of lifestyle, why you people can’t understand?

I had tried having relationship with a spiritual man, it just can’t work for me. I cannot understand how the gays/les can hide themselves with a straight relationship, I got a big problem with that. When I 1st had sexual relationship with him, I saw him like he was monster, I felt so horrible inside, I never felt that way in my life, not even I’m being different than others, I felt my entire life being raped. Can you understand such pain that can almost kill you?

I realised I can’t follow you people’s order anymore, on how I should live my life, I don’t want to have a 2nd sexual encounter with men anymore, it’s too horrible, as if I was in hell. I left church, left my religion, being alone all the time, but a happier person because I don’t need to struggle much anymore, I’m going to live my life alone, I won’t hurt those who love me by doing what I want, & I won’t hurt myself by doing what they want.

So, do not object to a gay church. Do you prefer that they end up at dark clubs, or do you prefer them to go to a church? A gay church may not be your ideal, but it’s a best option for the gays/les, your so called lost souls. When society cannot accept transgendered, they ended up working as prostitutes, not because they like it, but because they’ve to survive, & to live in such painful life that even family rejected them. If we can accept them, we’re giving them a better place to live. Why do you want to push them to a dead end?

Now, they don’t beg from you, you never even offered help, they’re independent, trying to help themselves, why can’t you just give them their freedom which are theirs in the beginning? Why do you want to rob them? They let you live your life the way you want it, let them have the same thing. And I don’t think God comes for such righteous people like you, killing all His children by pushing them to the fire.