Faces, masks and many hats
No man is an island. Or maybe a better phrase is few men live like they are individual islands. We are all part of society and we need to blend in to survive. Some people do this extremely well and are popular in every gathering. It is a little easier when one is already a member of a particular group e.g. NGOs, clubs, clan associations etc or simply just a group of friends.
Every group has its own subculture and mores. It is then difficult for the newcomer to assimilate. On the other hand most people try anyway to fit in. I believe it is motivated by a need to be accepted and loneliness. Loneliness is a luxury few would envy others. We can see the misfits at some places. They are always at the fringe. They smile at the wrong places, laugh just a second too early or too late or are simply unable to comprehend a joke.
So, many of us wear masks and many faces and different hats for different situations. In this process of seeking social acceptance, we take many risks. We sometimes make mistakes too like wearing the wrong attire, saying the wrong things, thinking others would think the way we do.
It has always been this way with me. I have moved residence so many times in my life, made so many different sets of friends and sometimes i feel I haven’t fitted in at all. I have always been like an outsider looking in through lighted glass windows at night.
What prompted this post? I had an opportunity to extend my circle of friends. I was wondering to myself what kind of conversation I should initiate. I tried too hard to be witty. Like a child slowly venturing out I sneaked my head out in my endeavor to make friends. At my first attempt I had my head bitten off.
I accept that. It was my fault. Perhaps I have been trying too hard to fit in. 
Some people would question why would an adult man be lonely? It is true that with matrimony we have a partner for life. But sometimes having a family is an added bonus but we do need a close support group or friends who can be there for us when we need them. Hopefully with time, I will be able to fit in some where. But I fear i will never succeed. I am simply the outsider. Always have been, always will be.
But I will try. I will try. I will not give up. 
There has to be some place, some where.
awwww…. dont push yourself too hard, there will be bumps along the way and before you know it, you are already skilled at handling bumps….
i’m also still learning on how to be sociable, it doesnt come instantly. just let it …erm… come as we go along… it’s doesnt need a formula. when the situation comes, we will know how to act to it…
bengbeng, I am surprised u think u have no social skills. reading ur blog, and ur telling us about the people u meet, and the little snap shots of people who confide in u, i have the distinct impression that u make people trust u and put them at ease, and that is a great social skill.it seems to me u r quite an individual and would not be happy mixing with only one group of people. it would be too boring for u to always hang out with a few kakis. that is why u dont belong to a group. u know u will find it will be too boring to listen to the same group of people. u like to meet a lot of people and listen to them, rather than be the life and soul of the group and get attention. at least that is my impression just from reading ur blog. I think it is a good thing, so dont feel u are lacking because u dont belong to a group.all this common belief that u must belong to a group is a nonsense. dont try to be witty. haha. i think people like u to be just yourself, because it is sincere, rather than to be too clever and show off.
thanks
I think you are thinking upside down. You were the one who tried to be friendly. Maybe they were rude. I consider you a friend of mine, even if we have only talked through chats.
- Flyfisher
eh brader, I very lonely here wei..other than my wife, I have no one to play with.
so be thankful u have so many friends around you
haha i wont b lonely if i am with yr wife…so why u feel lonely huh wuching
u don consider us as ur fren?
hmpphhh~~
sakitnyer hati..
lol.. u hv so much reader… reader = friends
i m yr friend now!
sounds a bit childish, but life’os like tat, its not everyone we will be able to get along with.. so appreciate those u can really tok to..