Miscommunication, poor language skills and ruined relationships
I had a nice working relationship going with a sixties uncle until recently. It puzzled me that he now avoided me and generally went out of his way to avoid me. I do what I normally do : just let it be. We cannot please every body. Do no harm to others and try to sleep well at night.
It got to a stage where he had to call me. There was something specific he needed my help on. It broke the ice a little as he needed my help and not the other way around. I now know why he hated me. A few weeks ago, I had conveyed a message from a mutual friend to him. I said Mr XXX needs your help badly in dealing with a certain matter. He is not good in English and my foochow is atrocious. He understood only the word bad as in badly. He then thought to himself I was calling him bad. He thought I was bad-mouthing him.
From that he decided I was not a good person and most definitely not a friend. I am so glad that at least this time around, I had a chance to clear my name. I have another friend fondly called “Lau Chien” ( lao qian ) by all. He is a very kind man. He is Mr Chien and we call him Lau because he is dear to us and very old. However when I called him in a similar manner it insulted him because it implied he ‘cheats money’ literal translation for lao qian.
I am a terrible terrible person. Sometimes I wish I don’t make more social blunders like these. With Wesak Day just around the corner and friends coming to town, I hope i don’t make any social blunders this year.
Pic from archives : last year’s Wesak Day celebrations
Bengbeng, it is good to give a thought to what you intend to say. All the best to your social contacts.
i sometimes say the wrong things unwittingly
unfortunately
Poor you. Well, it is best to keep open minded and also be forward or direct person. If there is anything that we don’t like or understand, it is best to confront to clarify the matter rather than having meaningless grudge.
sometimes it isnt easy to find the right moment
I’m surprised they don’t give you a better chance to explain. So many languages in Sibu. When we were building our house my wife was the translator for me and the workers. Foochow, Hokkien, Malay, Mandarin, Iban, English, Cantonese. I thought her head would explode.
- FF
sometimes there is no chanz to explain when we dont even know there has been a misunderstanding.
Yup!,I agree with all above oppinion as for me born as iban,primary school in chinese,secondary school in malay,yes I had encounter many type and variety races,culture,and sometime people don’t even know my races identity.for me I am very good speaking in hokkien,mandarin,B.melayu s’wak a bit of bidayuh it is an add up for me yes sometime I can speak 3 language at the time.miscommunication maybe hectic sometime, somehow we need to using body language to explained situation to make others think their understand our message.
yr language skills are fantastic
it will b very useful for your future